I love this phrase because you don't realize how true it is until you have kids. You can probably think back before you had kids and you were the one offering inexperienced advice, present party included. My mistake is that I thought people would stop this nonsense once you tell them you have four kids, or they know you have four kids, but they don't.
Remember Lucy from Charlie Brown? Always ready and willing to charge people for the advice she handed out? Well, I would like to take that and put a twist on it. How about for every person who gives me unwanted and unasked for advice on how to raise my kids, or what I shouldn't do when I'm pregnant has to pay me to listen to their BS? Double for those without kids!
When it comes to life, I've always been a do-it-yourselfer/ common sense kind of gal. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I suggesting that I've made it this far and never reached out for help or advice. But in my opinion, life is pretty much common sense. So, when people from all walks of life - family, friends, doctors, classmates - offer advice on parenting or pregnancy when I didn't ask for it, I get annoyed, sometimes pissed, but I always keep my composure while challenging their advice when I don't agree with it. Over the years, and pregnancies, this has included topics such as my choice to have repeated c-sections and debating on whether or not to have the baby Baptized because my view of the Catholic church has changed.
In general, I don't take it personally, but for some reason my current pregnancy has all sorts of people giving me advice. And not just innocent advice, like you should read this book or be careful lifting that. I could handle that. But the advice I've received during this pregnancy is harsh and almost unbelievable to my ears at times.
It started early in my first trimester. I was taking a writing course and someone wrote a story about a woman with postpartum depression. During peer review, one classmate said that the dialogue seemed unrealistic.
"There's just no way that a mother would ever talk to her child like this."
I couldn't hold back, so I laughed out loud and then I had to explain myself. There were a few of us in the class who had kids and we agreed that child services would be called on most parents if everyone knew what they were thinking, not acting on or saying, but thinking.
"That's just awful. I can't believe it. That's just awful to treat your kids that way."
My response: "Call me when you have a few."
Another girl piped in," Hell, call us after you have one. We'll see what you think then."
This semester, my third trimester, I walked into a class with a decaf, soy toffee mocha from Starbucks.
The girl who sits next to me, and who I usually exchange small talk with said in a snarky way, "That's decaf right?"
"Nah," I said because I knew where this conversation was headed.
"Oh, because that's not good for the baby you know." (Polite nod, while thinking Fu*$ you!)
A few weeks later she noticed I was wearing a blue bra under a white t-shirt and felt it was necessary to tell me, "Oh it doesn't matter anyway, no one is looking at you. You're pregnant."
I wish that had been the day I had my coffee because she would have been wearing it, but instead I loudly responded with, "You still on that crazy medicine? What do you call it, Wellbutrin?"
Then, at my last OB appointment, I had to hear it from the doc. This one really burned me up.
"Did you get your flu shot yet?"
"No, and we, my family, haven't had a flu shot in five years and we haven't been sick in five years."
"You know, the H1N1 is dangerous for pregnant women."
"Yeah, I heard. I also heard the shot they gave out last year didn't match the strain of H1N1 by the time people started getting sick from it, so really it was ineffective. Actually, my dad got his flu shot two weeks ago and he's been sick and sore ever since. I just don't trust that crap the government gives out. I was in the military and I've taken enough unnecessary mystery shots from them."
"Pregnant women die from it. I've seen it."
"I'll take my chances."
Until next time, "In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back," Lucy (from Peanuts)...
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